A lesson in Losing

She's a Lovely Little Lady

Looking for a room......

 

 

You know the song........ feel free to start singing too:
Bullfrogs Butterflies&  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4KVwX44Z9A

My love for Butterflies all started with that song. 

Little did I know.........................

God was really placing a life changing lesson in my possession.

I grabbed on to it

It's fascinating
Life can be compared to that of a caterpillar

strength, endurance and growth happening at too rapid of a pace
stillness, quiet and sleep lasting just long enough to repeat

someday

even though by looking ... you can not see it

There are wings

Wings

But, before I jump too far ahead.

Take a look at today.

My lovely little lady found a spot to make her room.

I actually thought the caterpillar had died. 

Two entire days it was still
(which is longer than usual)


Just when I was about to give up.
Because patients is not a virtue that comes easily to me

The caterpillar began to teach me a lesson:



With what shall I come before the Lord
and bow down before the exalted God? Micah 6: 6

 

 

 

The pressure began to  mount

pullsing.

resistance.

And before the old self could be shed

The caterpillar raised it's body as if begging

A final plea.

Have Mercy on Me of Lord

Have Mercy on Me

Have Mercy

Have Mercy

Mercy    Mercy  Mercy

 

As the surge of energy lessened.

The head began to bow humbly

 

And just as had Jesus asked..............

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

I imagined the caterpillar doing the same.

But, maybe God's Mercy to the caterpillar is in the fight

the resistance

the pulising into a New Life.

How else do we recognize a new life?

Labor. 

Death

If it was easy...............

If it was easy...............

Would we know God's Grace

 The release.

 Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.  Isaiah 58:8

 

 Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, LORD, my faithful God. Psalm 31:5

 



Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

 

Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

 

 

 

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.

 

 

 

it shall be no longer mine

 

it shall be no longer mine

 



 

If I were a caterpillar I would have been satisfied by this point. 

 

The old self is gone. 

 

 But I am not a caterpillar.

 

And God is God.

 

The caterpillar thrust, spins, thrashes.

 

Not until it is gone.



 

 

 But until it is GONE.

 

 

 

 

 

Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.
Mark 10:39

 

The chrysalis stands

 

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

 

and I wait

 

waiting for insight into what is happening inside.

 

 

 

 

I hear you Knockin'

Ugh.

My friends on facebook have begun to remind me that tomorrow is my birthday.

I am debating with my husband if my recent forgetful/clumsiness is just part of my character  that is currently being highlighted or if I indeed need supervision along with my kids!

My birthday is one thing I would not mind forgetting.

I  forever want to be a mid 20.............beautiful, young &  energetic gal.

Even though.......................................................

When I actually was in my mid 20's I did not think one of those things about myself then either.

To combat the downward spiral of birthday blues

I decided to put some of my bible study practices into action. 

A few of my close friends have started & for some of us (ME)  restarted our Gratitude Journals.  This was  an idea we received from a blog  http://www.aholyexperience.com/ and I even  have helped lead a retreat around the concept.

I am a very visual person, so I got out my trusty camera Eshter and began my search.

It took only seconds for me to find my first "Gratitude Journal Worthy" photo op

 

 

The Pocket Hose!  This thing is incredible, just like they say on TV.   I can not focus on this extraordinary find for too long because I may start to feel upset  that I didn't think of such a Splendid Hose and am now making millions.

Moving along

 



Little did I know that this unexpected gift (which in itself is Gratitude Journal Worthy) would soon also become part of my grand morning adventure to save the day.  (I am sure this will become a blog post later-stay tuned)

And, it is obvious by this photo that I FINGER PAINTED yesterday.  Today I am enjoying the teal heart that seems to not want to wash off.

 

 

So, besides my fingers I also got a little paint on the grass, my knee, my shorts, my shirt and it was discovered this morning.....my armpit.

 

I am thankful that my mother-in-law knows me well enough to send me a card with a butterfly on the front....AND............ a gift card so that I may possibly buy myself something fun at the superstore and not something used to soak up, flush, toss, digest and flush  or any combo of the previous.

 

 

A letter in the mail from camp.

 

Even though she is already home.

 

My daughters new hobby, nail art.

 

But.....................This is where it gets a little sappy.

 

It is not just regular old nail art.  It has dept and meaning.

 

"See mom the dark string at the bottom?  That is like our sin."

 

 

 

"But...............then"

 

"This is the good part!"

 

"Jesus comes along and covers it for us."

 

"That is what the white string is for.  Jesus, Jesus cleans us from our sin."

 

 

Train up a child in the way he should go; Proverbs 22:6



 

Ah, something .......... something we have planted along the way is beginning to take root.

 

 

Last but not least.  I sat down near my garden to begin tagging my perennials with the beautifully finger painted garden sticks I made yesterday and just like that!

 

BANG! 

 

I am staring at a plant that I can not for the life of me remember that dang name.

 

The negative self talk starts.

 

 I grabbed a hold of it.

 

Stared it in the face

 

Picked up and wrote on the most colorful, bring a smile to your face Garden Stick I could find.

 

Dementia.

 

and on the back:  I bought this plant because I liked it!  Does it matter what it is?

 

It made me giggle anyway & at the moment that was really the point.

 

I picked up my camera to take the photo and this verse popped  to mind: 

 

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.Revelation 3:20

 

Too often God is knocking. 

 

I do not hear Him.

 

Or.....I hear Him knocking but He can't come in (sorry I could not help myself)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry2td7q5ZMc

 

It is all coming back to a verse I have had to repeat to myself SEVERAL times this year.

 

Sometimes SEVERAL times in an hour.

 

 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ^{Philippians 4:7}

 

Looking for the Gratitude Journal Worthy moments

 

 Is my way of opening the door to His Knocking. 

 

I let Him in.

 

After all

 

He is the one standing guard at the door to bring me peace.

 

 

 

 

 



 





Perfectly ImPerfect

Even in the hustle and bustle
the stress
and sadness
that life sometimes brings
We are given a glimpse of peace.
We are granted an oasis to refuel and refresh.

As I sat in the comfort of friends easy chair last evening God gave me another opportunity  to "reboot" "refocus" and settle back into the things that are really important.

It is the simplicity.

The littlest occasion that at times out way the grand events in life.

It was all around.

The slight  breeze to remind you ....your not alone

It was the joy that microwave bacon brought to feed a hungry soul

It was even in the the beads of liquid that ran down the side of our hibiscus tea and lemonade glass

which in reality...............................One might be jealous of

 because

You wish those tears could pour from your eyes to free you, release you, only you have left them hidden

But. 

Stopping in that second.  As the liquid was about to reach the table.

And a hint of sadness, disappointment, regrets were  about to be locked away

I decided to Look around.

There was someone there to wipe the water from the table.

Someone brave enough to break through the small talk

to admit,
to open up,
to get down and in the mud with the realities of everyday life.

What would I do without these people in my life?

 

 



 

When I returned home

My mind was  so overwhelmed

So I did the responsible thing

put on my PJ pants and plopped on the couch.

Something caught my eye

You see it.

I laughed

I knew for sure two of the friends I had just been with would have jumped from the couch to right all the crookedness that shown like a beacon in the night (at least to them).

You two gals....know who you are.

Me, I left it.

And then
Just as we had talked about an hour prior.

It happened.

A bible passage I have read a million times.

At once.

Has new meaning.

1 Corinthians 13:4  Love is Patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is described in so many ways

except

Perfect.

Instead God is opening my eyes to the Imperfectly Perfect moments that surround my days

I am begin to remember...............

 

Perfect was striving for the best kite flying day ever

 

But.................the string got tangled in her boot

 

 

 

 Perfect is my daughter taking over the lawn mowing duties

 

But...........................She never, ever moves things.  She mows right around them.

 

ImPerfectly

 



 

 

 



 

 

It is well past noon. 

 

I did not make my kids lunch..................

 

I managed to talk on the phone, start up the mower and fix and injury all at once.  Which could be considered Super Woman like....but really it was my attempt to do too many things. 

 

None of which were done to perfection

 

I did not even handle the freezing up of my computer this morning perfectly.......I did alright, but there is still room for improvement

 

But as wrap this up and  rewind back to memories of last evening. 

 

I can now see Gods perfection

 

In today's world I do not think it takes the form of just 1 of us alone.

 

But in 6 Imperfect woman gathered around a bible study

 

Grieving with each others sadness

 

yet..................................

 

Rejoicing over a cleaner way to make bacon.

 

Along my journey in life I choose to walk in the fellowship of the imperfect. 

 

The gifts I bring to the table are like a flicker of light

 

added with others

 

I believe we reflect God's Perfect Plan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 









Reality of Real life

 

 

I contemplated posting nothing at all.

 

I contemplated ignoring the fact the outcome was not what I anticipated or desired.

 

I wanted to forget.  I wanted others to forget too.

 

 

But, that is not real life.

 

Real is doing everything in my power to achieve a perfect ending

 

only.......................

 

the perfect ending is not my idea of what a perfect ending should look like.

 

My mind keeps repeating

 

"Michelle, there is a lesson in this somewhere."

 

It must be too soon for that lesson to reveal itself?

 

My brain tells me

There is a reason, a lesson......................

My heart doesn't believe it.......................

My heart blames me

It beats ..what if...if only.....why didn't........

 

I do know

 

God has a way of teaching me through unconventional ways. 

 

Monarchs are my hymns

 

&

 

Photographs make the Word leap higher off the page and fill it with the breath of life

 

So as I sit in silence with a lifeless habitat

 

I wonder.

 

When will this start to make sense?

 

Then

 

My eye catches the very first blog about my little critters.

 

It all began with Deuteronomy 31:8

 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

 

So. 

I will start here. 

God has gone before me. 

God is with me. 

There is a lesson here somewhere. 

 

It may just be a while before I realize the lesson.

 

Do not be discouraged.

 

 

 

 

 

 



messengers MESSAGE

The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.

Romans 13:11



‘Wake up, wake up, Deborah!
  Wake up, Wake up, break out into song!

Judges 5:12

 

 

 

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12

 

 

 

 

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed.....you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will moveNothing will be impossible for you.”

Matthew 17:20

 

 



Again he said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade."

Mark 4:30-32

 

 

An extraordinary message was given on earth

begining with

a tiny infant messenger


Wether the moutains you face are dirty dishes, troubled relationships, debt, loss or car pool schedules

YOU can move them!
YOU are not as small as you think. 

 

 

wait................

 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;

he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8

 

Wait

 

          The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:25

Wait

 

 

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie.

Habakkuk 2:3

 

Waiting

 

I am a Hardy Weed

There are many things that I am.

There are many things that I am not.

To clear my mind I stepped outside to the garden

I knelt down into the dirt

& a slight breeze....softer than a feather blew across me

They quickly fall away - mark 4:17

 

Just a moment before everything was perfect

 



All it took was a slight breeze, a tug at the heart, a whisper, a suggestion and it was scattered

 

I became a bit frantic. 

 

Not because I had to chase after a seed packet.  Because one word lept from all the packages

ANNUAL.

 

 ANNUAL:  A plant that completes its entire life cycle in a single growing season

 

Is that what I am?  ANNUAL.  Do I start and stop in a single season?

 

Searching my garden was like digging deep into my soul.  I was frightened at what I might find. 

 

But there in the distance I saw a hint of green.  A reminder I have been here before.  A reminder I am coming back again.

 

rooted and established - Ephesians 3:17

 



There are many things that I am not. 

 

But, There are many things that I am.

 

I am a wife of a Pastor.   I am a wife.  I am a mother, sister, daughter.  I am a friend.

 

There are a lot of expectations I plant in myself.

 

There are a lot of expectations planted on me. Sometimes only known after I have done something really great ....or........really bad.

 

At moments I desire to be an Annual.  Shinning my showy, bright colors and disappearing at the first frost before the cold of winter even hints at staying.

 

But I am not.

 

I am a Perennial.

 

And my guess is, most people would not know that about me.

 

I am hardy. I bloom through the seasons. I am exposed to full Sun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

First and foremost. 

 

I am firmly rooted in Christ. 

 

Secondly I am deeply rooted where God has placed me.   Leaving would be like digging half of a flower up in the scorching heat of summer.  Part of the plant stays and all of the plant is in shock because a part is gone and part remains.

 

I may not be the exact flower you were hoping for. 

 

But I find it a little amusing that one of my favorite perennials is actually a weed :)

 

 

 

 

I am  Hardy.  I am a Perennial.  I am rooted.

 

I am a Butterfly weed.

 

Just a weed to some.

 

Life to a Butterfly.

 

(The next day.  After chasing down several packets of annuals.....  I decided it was best to purchase and plant several more Perennials instead! )

.