Peace a world can not give - John 14:27

I already am desperately trying to cling to Pacem.

It has been less than three days since I departed  Pacem im Terris and already I feel at times the waves are hitting against me at a rapid pace...I can see the life buoy, but, it is just out of reach.

While in my hermitage I found great comfort in keeping the tiniest flame flickering

The candle was an invitation,
more to myself than God.
It drew me in to sit down, listen , look, feel and know God was surrounding me, everywhere and at every moment.

Naturally, I figured I could easily repeat this tiny comfort when I returned home.

How hard can it be?  A trip to Target for a candle?

Well this a.m. it proved nearly impossible

2 candle attempts-because neither will stay lit!

see all those matches. 

SEE all those MATCHES!

notice, neither candle has a flame.

My peaceful morning with God was quickly becoming more of a comedy routine.

I was not about to give in.

I wanted my portion of Pacem 

Thankfully I found this:

not exactly the type of peaceful symbol I was hoping for...........

A beautiful hip or shoulder...I don't know....some kind of bone my son found in the woods made a lovely candle holder.

But,  let's be real,

in this world God's peace is really tough to find at times.

While I was with God  Pacem im Terris

God gave me  the gift of understanding and experiencing a extremely small portion, a  hint of  HIS peace that I will some day be granted every moment  in heaven.

It was so refreshing and calming I long to repeat it everyday.

But - I still am living in this world.

Striving to be in it 

but not of it.

And, sometimes that will require me to stretch my imagination & not give up when the obvious falls short

of bringing peace.

God is always there.

He may just prefer to show Himself to me in a dead animal bone candle holders vs a pretty girly one.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

The Rev. in front of my dad's name does not apply to me. A tip on how to be or relate to a PK

It is ''Throwback Thursday' on Facebook which got me reminiscing.

I must apologize for holding in this nugget of wisdom for so long & not sharing it with the world.

These are my kiddo's

 

The angelic smiles on a Sunrise Service Morning

 

 

The exuberance that Jesus is not dead. 

He is alive.  He is alive in deed.

And.................the early budding signs of  a boy's love for MMA

 

 This kind of looks like my son was the one to invent Gagem Style.  These pics are from 2009 after all



Looking at these photos,
I realize it is blaringly obvious that these are "Pastor's Kids."

I do not have the best parenting style to ever exist in the christian circles........
But, for a moment on a crisp fall day in 2009

I had a stroke of brilliance!
 (yes, yes, let us all pause a moment and thank the Holy Spirit for speaking wisdom through me. 
  I am all about giving credit where credit is due)
But, Dang!  I sounded  GENIUS & that advice has proven helpful for each of my kids.

I picked up my oldest daughter from some type of churchy class one afternoon.
 I could tell by her unusual silence something was not quite right.

And. Then. She. Spoke.

 

"Mom, the kids were making fun of me because I didn't know the answer to one of the questions."

 

"They all say I should know everything because Daddy is the Pastor."

This is where I sent up a few of those:  ""Give me a Grand Answer & Quick" Prayers

& out of my mouth like a stream in a desert came this-

Tell me. 

Pause

Pause

Silence.............waiting for it..........Come on Jesus!  What should I say?..........

What types of jobs do the dads of the other kids have?

Mechanic
Accountant
Carpenter


Alright.
Next time they tell you that you should know it all because of your daddy's job
ask them what there daddy does.

If they say "He is a Mechanic."
Ask them to explain to you what a tie rod is & how to replace it.
-I only know what it is because it broke on our van once :)

If dad happens to be an Accountant 
Ask them. "How much did you figure your parents will have to pay in taxes this year?"

Surgeon?
"How do you perform an appendectomy?"


To my delight.
A look of relief & a smile appeared.

I have since shared this story with the other two children
who got into the van after some type of churchy class
quiet
confused
a little sad

 

Only this time I was ready!

Ready like a Lutheran turned to page 656  "A Mighty Fortress" on Reformation Sunday.

 

 

If you happen to see one of my kids in church bent over the pew in reverence.............

chances are they are not in deep pray.

They are probably about to faint in hunger.

You see, none of them can drive yet & James and I most likely

still have "a few more things to finish" before we go home & feed the hungry bear

Go ahead offer them some fruit snacks.

Just don't ask them to explain the trinity or the meaning behind Luther's seal.

 

They may know? They have been in many churchy classes since 2009)

If they don't know the answer they will ask you what your daddy does & may even expect a power point presentation on
Proper grocery bagging
Fuse box repair
Engine rebuilding
How to cast a broken arm


1 Corinthians 12:4-11English Standard Version (ESV)

 

⁴ Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; ⁵ and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; ⁶ and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. ⁷ To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. ⁸ For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, ⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, ¹⁰ to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. ¹¹ All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills.

No new canvas for Messy Me

Today

If at all possible I would grab a big ol' garbage bag and throw away everything in my path.

 

 

My husband know that if the house & van are visually a mess

it is a pretty good indication of how my brain feels. 

Cluttered house, cluttered mind. 

Messy van, messy thoughts.

 

 

Oh what I wouldn't do to start all over with a clean canvas

 

 

 

 The things I would

 

The things I wound not allow

 

A fresh start.

 

Today, very tempting.

 

Deep inside I know. 

 

There is beauty and purpose for the mess that has been created

 

and I realize it is

 

 not under the legos on the floor

 

 & Not in the dust bunnies that  scurry across the floor when the heat kicks on

 

I am the mess

 

& God loves me still

 

& the picture He is painting is supposedly turning out just as He intended

 

There is no need for a different canvas.

 

He wants this: 

 

 

 

and this: 

 

 

 

Yes, and even this

 

 

And I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I do Love God.

I do have faith in God & all those other fancy terms to describe a relationship with Him.

Some days I suck like a vacuum cleaner with my end of the relationship with God

 

Today I feel like an over sized contributor to the mess made. 

--but I read the label on the garbage bag box and it is not a good idea to stuff myself inside.

So, I pray God scoops me up, dust me off and brings glory to Himself through Messy Me

 

 

 

 



Marred Intentions

You can only do so many loads of laundry.

& then you just gotta do something a little more exciting.

I had scrubbed my last dish for the day & decided to attempt a new "craft."

Finding the supplies = easy.

Why?  Because I break a lot of things.

Most things I do are intentional & with purpose.  My husband may argue with this, mainly because of the large quantity of phone calls he receives at work telling him not to take his shoes off when he gets home for fear of cutting his foot on yet another broken object on the floor.

But, God talks to me in ways not typical to ordinary folks.
(That may need to be a blog post all on it's own)

So, of course God has been teaching me through brokenness.

I was reminded yesterday that many times the spot that heals becomes stronger than it ever was.

This is true, even for the brokenhearted

 

 

In no way does this mean there will not be pain in the process of healing

 

To make my heat whole I had to cover it first.  I knew once uncovered it would resemble a heart but not until the time was right.

 

Jeremiah 18:4 the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

 

It was there under a slop of grout........and little by little I could wipe away a bit at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I feel broken.             I sometimes I forget.      

I am MARRED in Gods hands broken Intentionally for something

only He can currently see.

 

Zephaniah 3:17  Has been making itself known to me in many occasions lately

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

 

At first thought, being Marred in God's hands seems frightening.

 

But, picture this..........................being rocked, sung to, covered and quieted by His love.

 

For goodness sakes, each on of us is broken. 

 

And yet we try to cover our brokeness with grout...NEVER to be uncovered.

We are ashamed.

 

NEVER to break forth

 

 

 

                  

Why do we not allow God to wipe away the mess so we can be used to Glorify Him in the ways only He sees best?

 

Admit your brokenness and move onto to being stronger in those areas than you ever were before.

 

The world has caused you to believe that broken is not also beautiful........

so we hide away.........

 

We stop serving in our church & community.

We become closed off to the people at Shopko, at our children's school.

We even 'put on airs' & mistreat those who we are more alike than not.

& the world wins.

STOP pretending God has never had you Marred in His hands.

 

Use your new found strength

 

Let His better purposes break forth.

 

 

 

 

3 possibly 4

I set a goal this week to make a difference (for the better, duh) in one persons life each day.

I missed a day.

I was kind of down on myself

until I realized I still had a shot it-

On my down days, there are 3 possibly 4 chances I have still contributed to society.

 

 

One

 

 

 

 

Two

 

 

 

Three

& possibly Four

I realize I am not personal responsible to bringing him into this world......But, let's be honest

Where would he be without me :)



 

 

 

There are moments I feel I may be getting a little past my prime to "change the world" 

but, for all I know I am washing the undies of someone who will.

 

 

 

 

 

Broken and Beautiful

But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands.

BROKEN

so that

the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Jeremiah 18:4

something Beautiful

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part;

Only then I shall know fully. 1 Corinthians 13: 12

Brokenness is not abandonment by God.

God is forming you into another pot, shaping you as seemed best to him.

For those with a heavy heart

fearing you may be beyond repair



I pray you see a reflection of God through me.

A fellow fragment of broken glass

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,^a

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4

-Enjoy this song by Gungor



"Do you speak-a my language?"

Of course I listened to Men at Work I come from the land down under before starting this post.

The very last time I sat in this spot
I was 13 years old
I was a far away from home for the first time, timid & afraid
 &  as my sister would say -"still attached by the umbilical cord to mom"

For any gentleman readers you may want to skip down a few lines.
Not only was I 13, I was afraid, away from home-
AND.......I had also just gotten my period for the first time.

Not really knowing what was going on I was pretty sure that this would be the last day of my life.

Those thoughts were only confirmed when a very sweet camp counselor brought me to this special place. 

----"Side note"  Can you imagine what was going through that dear camp counselors mind.  Chances are good she tried to pawn me off on someone with more experience in these issues but she dealt the short straw. 

Anyway back to my story:  When we arrived at this special spot (which felt so deep into uncharted territory) She asked if I had Accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior?

Inside my mind I thought:  "Hold on sista!  I really am dying aren't I" 
My audible words were:  "I don't know?"

I vaguely remember trying to repeat a bunch of words after her.

-PAUSE- Let it be 100% clear I love that college age camp counselor who dared to make a difference in my life. She planted a seed in a VERY slow learner is all.  Besides, how many of you would have stepped up and taken on the challenge of a  scared (guys skip the next part) New Woman that didn't know where the heck a tampon or pad was really supposed to go.

I am in my 30's.
Which means I did not die at 13.
I am bad at numbers.
But I do know it has been several years since I sat in that place where the 13 year old me had been.

The 13 year old me.

What I wish I would have heard that day.

I wish I would have heard.

Be you.  I know at times it seems so very difficult....but do it.....Be the you I have created you to be.  Don't be ashamed.  Don't hide.  You are beautiful.  The world needs you....just the way you are.

As the (late) 30ish year old me sat.

I realized

I was told those words I wished I had heard.

It just  so happened I was not from the same place  my camp counselor was from.

I did not know the meaning of that sentence. 

There are not translators wandering deep in the forest for just these types of situations.

They were words from a land I had not been to before.

I did not speak-a her language.

*another side note- I did grow up going to church, etc......
Different churches -Different languages...
most likely the same or similar goals depending on the region.


Words
Punctuation
-if you read my post at all you already know-
These are not my strong points.

So I do still beat myself up wondering....... How in all the world will I ever be good at proclaiming God's desires for you to be you.  Be His, eternally?

Well, it just so happened a friend I very much admire helped drive this message home by saying.
"We can not all be the mouth"

As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12:20



Yippee!  This was a big relief to me.
 It is possible for me to bring someone to Christ via bad grammar and punctuation!

By being me.

Now that I need not worry about always saying those big fancy words
I have declared.
I want to be the eye lash.
The eye lash does have an important job.
The eye lash can at time be a real bother though, if it gets under your contact.
 I am sure at times I am just like the eyelash under your contact.

But gosh darn it.  This is a great new discovery. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am still gonna :) Post misspelled blogs

.Getting this onto the screen helps me process.
 I may be just the solution for all those non-English scholar type people that understand things better when I show my weaknesses.

It just may be someones language.

I actually may prevent someone from living Down Under.