No new canvas for Messy Me

Today

If at all possible I would grab a big ol' garbage bag and throw away everything in my path.

 

 

My husband know that if the house & van are visually a mess

it is a pretty good indication of how my brain feels. 

Cluttered house, cluttered mind. 

Messy van, messy thoughts.

 

 

Oh what I wouldn't do to start all over with a clean canvas

 

 

 

 The things I would

 

The things I wound not allow

 

A fresh start.

 

Today, very tempting.

 

Deep inside I know. 

 

There is beauty and purpose for the mess that has been created

 

and I realize it is

 

 not under the legos on the floor

 

 & Not in the dust bunnies that  scurry across the floor when the heat kicks on

 

I am the mess

 

& God loves me still

 

& the picture He is painting is supposedly turning out just as He intended

 

There is no need for a different canvas.

 

He wants this: 

 

 

 

and this: 

 

 

 

Yes, and even this

 

 

And I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I do Love God.

I do have faith in God & all those other fancy terms to describe a relationship with Him.

Some days I suck like a vacuum cleaner with my end of the relationship with God

 

Today I feel like an over sized contributor to the mess made. 

--but I read the label on the garbage bag box and it is not a good idea to stuff myself inside.

So, I pray God scoops me up, dust me off and brings glory to Himself through Messy Me

 

 

 

 



Marred Intentions

You can only do so many loads of laundry.

& then you just gotta do something a little more exciting.

I had scrubbed my last dish for the day & decided to attempt a new "craft."

Finding the supplies = easy.

Why?  Because I break a lot of things.

Most things I do are intentional & with purpose.  My husband may argue with this, mainly because of the large quantity of phone calls he receives at work telling him not to take his shoes off when he gets home for fear of cutting his foot on yet another broken object on the floor.

But, God talks to me in ways not typical to ordinary folks.
(That may need to be a blog post all on it's own)

So, of course God has been teaching me through brokenness.

I was reminded yesterday that many times the spot that heals becomes stronger than it ever was.

This is true, even for the brokenhearted

 

 

In no way does this mean there will not be pain in the process of healing

 

To make my heat whole I had to cover it first.  I knew once uncovered it would resemble a heart but not until the time was right.

 

Jeremiah 18:4 the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

 

It was there under a slop of grout........and little by little I could wipe away a bit at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I feel broken.             I sometimes I forget.      

I am MARRED in Gods hands broken Intentionally for something

only He can currently see.

 

Zephaniah 3:17  Has been making itself known to me in many occasions lately

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

 

At first thought, being Marred in God's hands seems frightening.

 

But, picture this..........................being rocked, sung to, covered and quieted by His love.

 

For goodness sakes, each on of us is broken. 

 

And yet we try to cover our brokeness with grout...NEVER to be uncovered.

We are ashamed.

 

NEVER to break forth

 

 

 

                  

Why do we not allow God to wipe away the mess so we can be used to Glorify Him in the ways only He sees best?

 

Admit your brokenness and move onto to being stronger in those areas than you ever were before.

 

The world has caused you to believe that broken is not also beautiful........

so we hide away.........

 

We stop serving in our church & community.

We become closed off to the people at Shopko, at our children's school.

We even 'put on airs' & mistreat those who we are more alike than not.

& the world wins.

STOP pretending God has never had you Marred in His hands.

 

Use your new found strength

 

Let His better purposes break forth.

 

 

 

 

3 possibly 4

I set a goal this week to make a difference (for the better, duh) in one persons life each day.

I missed a day.

I was kind of down on myself

until I realized I still had a shot it-

On my down days, there are 3 possibly 4 chances I have still contributed to society.

 

 

One

 

 

 

 

Two

 

 

 

Three

& possibly Four

I realize I am not personal responsible to bringing him into this world......But, let's be honest

Where would he be without me :)



 

 

 

There are moments I feel I may be getting a little past my prime to "change the world" 

but, for all I know I am washing the undies of someone who will.

 

 

 

 

 

Broken and Beautiful

But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands.

BROKEN

so that

the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Jeremiah 18:4

something Beautiful

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part;

Only then I shall know fully. 1 Corinthians 13: 12

Brokenness is not abandonment by God.

God is forming you into another pot, shaping you as seemed best to him.

For those with a heavy heart

fearing you may be beyond repair



I pray you see a reflection of God through me.

A fellow fragment of broken glass

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,^a

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4

-Enjoy this song by Gungor



"Do you speak-a my language?"

Of course I listened to Men at Work I come from the land down under before starting this post.

The very last time I sat in this spot
I was 13 years old
I was a far away from home for the first time, timid & afraid
 &  as my sister would say -"still attached by the umbilical cord to mom"

For any gentleman readers you may want to skip down a few lines.
Not only was I 13, I was afraid, away from home-
AND.......I had also just gotten my period for the first time.

Not really knowing what was going on I was pretty sure that this would be the last day of my life.

Those thoughts were only confirmed when a very sweet camp counselor brought me to this special place. 

----"Side note"  Can you imagine what was going through that dear camp counselors mind.  Chances are good she tried to pawn me off on someone with more experience in these issues but she dealt the short straw. 

Anyway back to my story:  When we arrived at this special spot (which felt so deep into uncharted territory) She asked if I had Accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior?

Inside my mind I thought:  "Hold on sista!  I really am dying aren't I" 
My audible words were:  "I don't know?"

I vaguely remember trying to repeat a bunch of words after her.

-PAUSE- Let it be 100% clear I love that college age camp counselor who dared to make a difference in my life. She planted a seed in a VERY slow learner is all.  Besides, how many of you would have stepped up and taken on the challenge of a  scared (guys skip the next part) New Woman that didn't know where the heck a tampon or pad was really supposed to go.

I am in my 30's.
Which means I did not die at 13.
I am bad at numbers.
But I do know it has been several years since I sat in that place where the 13 year old me had been.

The 13 year old me.

What I wish I would have heard that day.

I wish I would have heard.

Be you.  I know at times it seems so very difficult....but do it.....Be the you I have created you to be.  Don't be ashamed.  Don't hide.  You are beautiful.  The world needs you....just the way you are.

As the (late) 30ish year old me sat.

I realized

I was told those words I wished I had heard.

It just  so happened I was not from the same place  my camp counselor was from.

I did not know the meaning of that sentence. 

There are not translators wandering deep in the forest for just these types of situations.

They were words from a land I had not been to before.

I did not speak-a her language.

*another side note- I did grow up going to church, etc......
Different churches -Different languages...
most likely the same or similar goals depending on the region.


Words
Punctuation
-if you read my post at all you already know-
These are not my strong points.

So I do still beat myself up wondering....... How in all the world will I ever be good at proclaiming God's desires for you to be you.  Be His, eternally?

Well, it just so happened a friend I very much admire helped drive this message home by saying.
"We can not all be the mouth"

As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12:20



Yippee!  This was a big relief to me.
 It is possible for me to bring someone to Christ via bad grammar and punctuation!

By being me.

Now that I need not worry about always saying those big fancy words
I have declared.
I want to be the eye lash.
The eye lash does have an important job.
The eye lash can at time be a real bother though, if it gets under your contact.
 I am sure at times I am just like the eyelash under your contact.

But gosh darn it.  This is a great new discovery. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am still gonna :) Post misspelled blogs

.Getting this onto the screen helps me process.
 I may be just the solution for all those non-English scholar type people that understand things better when I show my weaknesses.

It just may be someones language.

I actually may prevent someone from living Down Under.

I do not care if even one person reads this post

I gave a "Christian talk" at a banquet Sunday night.

 Which was followed by:

 -some great alone time with God under the stars

-cherry pie for breakfast

-psalm 66 read by the maintenance man

-prayers with a guy leaving  for missions in Liberia with a crate full of blessings

- Sunshine

-a cup of coffee with great people that knew the more immature me

 & a great sermon on the radio (sounds very elderly I do realize) during my drive home. 

I was hungry.  So I attempted to drive to a place and get some food. 

 I took a wrong turn (so I thought)

 There (as the sermon was still teaching me stuff from the radio) sat 2 homeless people.   

I said out loud "Dang it God" Really?  Today?  Along with the account of all the other very Christiany Jesus things I had just accomplished over the past few days.

 I pulled over looked to see what I had to give them.   

All it amounted to was Gatorade (fruit punch), BBQ corn nuts & 67 cents in change....

What happened next was more important than food and anything money could ever buy-even a whopping 67 cents.

 I talked with them …nothing special,  just talked

We talked like three acquaintances that happened to see each other at the gym --except not the gym because I do not ever go there.

Came to find out they had showered at a shelter that morning & I had not showered in more than 24 hours :) 

When it was time for me to go they each touched my hand and said goodbye.

I am not sharing this story for praise or any of those other flowery words.  Really I do not know why I am sharing this.  I do not even have pretty pictures to go along with it.

All I know - is in that second when they touched my hand.  I felt like I was being touched by God himself.

For approximately two weeks I have been pleading with God to forgive me for hanging out with the 99 & not looking for the one: 

 "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?  Matthew 18:12

In fact just one hour before my right "wrong" turn.  I had confessed to Norm and Ardith I need to be more intentional of the 1 

-I even started to sing this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bSCL_7vID8

God knows me better than I know myself.

He knew I would walk myself down into a valley of disappointment for not keeping my eye on God's will for me

so.............

He sent me 2 examples

I got to bask in the glory of feeling like an over achiever....But God knowing me.  Knew that wouldn't last long either. 

 My homeless friends

did more for me than I did for them.

All this is to say. 

Heck, I don't know? 

I do not care if  even one person reads this post.  Just like the tattoo on my wrist. 

This post may be only for me. 

Yesterday was  a gift to me,.

Yesterday I was the one in need. 

And for a moment I felt full. 

I did not feel alone

I do hear God & he sees my attempts at obedience & He wants me to know that there are things only I am here to do. .........And when I do them.  Only then am I full.  Only then am I not alone.

Hanging around the 99 can be grand.  But hanging around the 99 I sometimes see too much of what I wish I was or wish I did better. 

 When I am looking for the ONE,  I am not lost.

 

Don't set up camp in the Valley

My happy shoes arrived!

 

Now, don't go thinking I believe a pair of shoes can bring happiness.

I am a little spiritually deeper than that.

It seems I have had a lot of these types of days

The kind where I know I am on this path for a reason. 

Although I wish I weren't

The kind where I hope to reflect back someday

& see

see & understand

understand

 why

 

 

Why I came across a barrier when I was certain I was on the right path

Why I found myself here..............

 

 

When I thought was going there

Why I don't even get the whisper from God

"I am here"

or a little reminder along the way

 

on the down right dirty days

I need happy shoes

Because!
Because dang it! 
I need to see that something that shouts_

"Girl tie up those laces and get going"

 

The bible says Thou I walk THROUGH the valley

not Thou I walk to the valley and set up camp!

 

I will not let myself be content in the valley

 Properly fitting Happy Shoes will make  the messy trip through a little brighter

 

 

 

 

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:4

 

How to Prepare a Soldier - Proverbs 22:6

Recently our 9 year old son has had an increased awareness of Afghanistan and all things related to war.
Soldiers
Weapons
battles
everything
right down to bathrooms out in the desert.

A calling is being showered over his life.

From the moment we knew of our first child I was determined to foster their goals.
I placed my trust in God and what He wants for my kids and I strive to not get in the way
too often.

There are the obvious things my kids will not get a green light to do
Sex, drugs and drinking

But, many other things are up for discussion

You want green hair? Fine.
You don't want to be a Pastor like your dad? That is alright too.
Missionary? Great.
Julia's first dream was to own a DQ and cut hair.
Then she wanted to be a marine biologist.
Did I say "That is impossible ....you live in MN." No, I did not.
Julia now wants to move to France for a time and wear a cape.
I think this may actually really happen.

A Soldier?
This is different. This wanting and yearning to be a Solider has kind of thrown me for a loop.

I didn't imagine this one coming.

So, how do you prepare your son to be a Soldier?

I have watched myself carefully over the past few days. I proceed with caution when I am about to speak. I am watching God at work in my son. Solider or not. Daily I have seen the ways in which we can prepare or children or deter our children.

To prepare my soldier

I watch him build.......a few Lego's at a time

brick upon brick his dreams become realities

more intricate

useful

purposeful



And although sometimes I wish he didn't.....................I do not stop him from his church bulletin doodles during worship.

I admire how his pride transcends the obvious and shows itself in even his recreation.



It shouldn't surprise me.......

But it does every time............ I watch him push his fears aside to step forward to do something out of character for him like he did on Saturday when he asked a "Real Marine" if he could try out 

Right here.

Right now.



Javier spent the day with my dad. The two of them are like minded in anything that deals with fishing, hunting, gutting, stinky, dirty.............man things.



This picture gets to me.

It is my boy among the men.

David who is not afraid to fight Goliath

Imagine that small voice speaking in 1 Samuel..

“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty."

That is pure faith.

How do I prepare my Soldier.

My Solider may never see the sand of Afghanistan

He may never cross an Ocean

Regardless of whether my son acquires dog tags, M.D. behind his name, or a socket wrench as a tool for his trade he needs to be prepared.

But how?

I think to prepare a Soldier

the key is to prepare

His mothers heart.

God's got him covered.

I need to foster his freedom

to dream

to pursue

and yet

have courage to muddle through the uncertainties when life throws him a fast pitch

when his dreams have added dimensions

or

turn out differently than expected.

It will be OK

because his mom has constantly been preparing her heart

to let him go

to let God be the voice he listens to first

to cheer him on

to pick him up

Someday these dog tags may only say Soldier

Or not.

If they don't

I will not be because I stood in His way.



I will dedicate myself to preparing my Soldier for whatever battles and victories come his way.

No one likes a Dream Stomper

Being Photography is one of my Passions one would assume I knew all there was to know about Focus.

For days I have been
TENSE
ANXIOUS
down right CRABBY at times.

& sadly enough it is over my daughters garage sale.

A garage sale!  For crying out loud.  It is a little girls garage sale. 

Why do I focus on this:

 

The mess.

 

My Focus has been on the wrong side of the curtain.

 

WhatI should have been focusing on has been happening all along

 

just on the other side of the curtain.

 

 

 

Willingness to work

 

Teamwork, negotiations, communications

 

 

creativity , going beyond what is expected

 

 

 

FREEDOM!

Freedom with the proper Focus

 

 

Dang it anyway! 

They are even taking the opportunity to invite others to learn about Jesus at our church's upcoming Vacation Bible School

(you can sign up too by the way  http://www.gslcglencoe.org/childrenjrhigh.htm )

 

 

Look at those faces

 

 

Just look at them!

 

How dare I focus on the mess

 

 

This is where my husband is most likely wishing I would take my own advice and tell myself

"The mess will still be there later."

"For now, just go back to sleep."



 

 

But for now.

RIGHT NOW

 

My daughter is carrying out a dream.

 

 

 

As a parent,  that is my focus.

 

To allow my kids to dream and attempt to carry them out to completion.

 

 

The song Two Sets of Jones' began filling my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tm0TLLq0GM

 

 

I always picture myself as the Jones Family I assume would be on Evelyn's side of the curtain.  

Positive in strife.  Slow to anger......etc.....etc.........etc.......

 

Psalm 23:4 is so true.  I need Thy Rod and Thy Staff.  They comfort me. 

 

I need the discipline.   The Rod. I need the Two Sets of Jones'  to pop in my head and set my focus. 

I need Thy Staff to lead me onto the other side of the curtain......

 

It is like putting my camera setting on Auto and letting God take over to show me what is important.

 

You may consider setting your Focus on Auto and seeing what God wants your focus to be on.

 

Without my Auto Pilot I would have been a Dream Stomper.

 

No one likes a Dream Stomper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Misled away from Joy

 

J is for Jesus

 

 

 

O is for Others

 

 

 

Y.....Y.....Y....Y..... is for You, yOu, yoUUUU

& because I sometimes I try to do things upside down, backwards, a little different from the norm and on my own

it only seems right that the caterpillars in my house would do the same.

So YOU can decide which Y you most enJOY to complete your JOY



I thought I could sit down for a quick second or two

And blog about how easy it is to find Joy

If a few caterpillars can spell it out, how hard can it be?

I will let you in on a little secret......

This morning it seemed difficult.

I read about Joy even in Sorrow.

Joy even though I have not seen what has been promised

Endurance, patience, and joyfully waiting.

I was looking for the fast food type Joy.

Order.....Receive

No waiting, endurance or suffering required.

Then I stumbled upon James 1:16

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

For a few moments this morning I had been deceived.

I had set out to find joy spelled out for me.

Neon Sign JOY.

Mountain top JOY

After all if caterpillars can spell it out for me, shouldn't God plop it into my life everyday?

I even imagine God asking if I would like my Joy super sized today.

The answer is.

He does.

In two verses God simply...... almost sneakily reveals the answer to finding Joy

I just miss it.

I miss it because it is not spelled out in Neon.

He does plop it down in front of me though.

Everyday.

God gives me good and perfect gifts.

I just needed to be reminded to stop for a second and look around ....

Look around. Not for the one gift too large to carry.

Look around.

Grab on to the little gifts that are all around.

The verse reminds me God does not change .......the perfectly good gifts are all around.

They always have been

They will never go away either.

BONUS!

My job is to see the gifts.

Collect and acknowledge them

Then I will become refreshed in JOY

The Joy of a summer mist will suddenly become the downpour my parched heart yearned for.

His light shone through this mornings darkness to reveal how quickly shadows can shift here on earth and lead me away from the good

It almost begins to stir a little mountain top Joy in my heart.

SIDE NOTE:

My 10 year old is upstairs right now attempting to set up a garage sale fro Thursday and Saturday. Mind you, I wanted no part in set up, pricing or carrying out this adventure. But, I am the mom and sometimes we get to participate in these things by default. I promise. I will open my eyes up very wide and try to see the good gifts God is revealing to me even in what I perceive as suffering ;)

After all I did find Joy spelled out by a few caterpillars.